is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
