he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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