I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
