Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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