In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
