Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
