big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
