I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
