it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
