imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
