i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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