First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
