There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
