I wish I could teleport
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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