i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
