his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
