Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
