when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
