I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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