your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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