Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
