oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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