Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
