dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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