Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
