Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
