This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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