You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
