So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
