She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
