i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
