3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
