I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
