Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
