i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish you could order shots online.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
whose ass print is on the piano?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
