I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
