I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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