if i died would you start the facebook group?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
