...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
