Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
