How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
