do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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