ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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