It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
