why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
