Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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