no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
