what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
