you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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