Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
