I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
