proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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