Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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